Shorthand for Nothing

Another one from the archives.

You’d make a wonderful actress.
I can see you on the silver screen,
eyes bright, a room full of people,
a captive audience–
something you never had in me.
They would hang on your every word,
make a note of everything you say,
because, after all,
you’re the star.

Would you even enjoy it?
The attention, the praise,
the undue adulation,
everything I never gave you?
Or do you think you’re entitled,
that your magnificence is eminent?
Either way I can see you,
accepting an award, feigning modesty,
but in your eyes,
there’s always that look,
like you deserve all this.

This is one that struck me on the read through I was mentioning a few days ago, because I wasn’t sure if I’d written it about a real person. That is, I am pretty sure I know who this could be about, though I’m by no means certain, but it’s not a very good description of her. I like this one, though it’s not the most brilliant thing ever penned, and it sounds a little petulant.

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I should probably qualify this: these poems came from an aborted attempt to write a poem every day in the year 2008. I lasted for a month, so I ended up with about 30 or so poems. I may post all of them eventually, but some of them stood out as being worth writing about. They aren’t all very good, but I found them interesting for one reason or another.

This is a pair of poems that I seem to have unintentionally given nearly identical titles. The first one is called “I Promised” and it goes like this:

You probably don’t remember
everything I promised,
but I do. They were the kind
where every one of them is “never”
or “always”
or something like that.
Now I always wonder
whether that was a good idea.
See, it was meant to make you happy
(or maybe that was me)
but I don’t know if you cared,
and anyway you don’t now.
But a promise ought to mean something,
and I can’t help but wonder
if maybe you still think it did.
I think I meant it.

I wrote a lot of poems and stories on the variation of “words like everything.” I will probably keep doing so occasionally. This is a pretty straightforward treatment of the subject of promises and words like everything.

The second one was called “I Promise” (present tense!):

It seems like
any time I make
some sort of promise
I always forget
about the variables
that go into
decision making
and assume that
everyone
acts like I
want them to.
It’s never
like I imagined.
Sometimes I wonder
if my imagination
isn’t working
against me
so I don’t
have to fulfill
my promises.

I’m not entirely sure what’s going on in this one.

What’s interesting here is the thought that maybe these were meant to be related. I have definitely played games with titles before, linking concepts. It’s actually one of my favorite things to do with otherwise unrelated stories, because the title can give them a really strong thematic link. Since these were never intended for public consumption I’m not sure if that was the plan. Nevertheless…

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A quick one.

The worst thing you ever did
is something I can barely attain.
For each of my aspirations,
you surpass it flawlessly,
achieving great heights,
as though my effort was nothing.
Maybe it was,
but is that any reason
for you to go on like this:
better and more talented than me
and not even trying as hard?

No joke, I think this one is about how awesome I am.

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