Shorthand for Nothing

Today at Davis Square, there was a girl with a Pocky handbag. This sort of thing is legitimately awesome, and there ought to be more of it. Without, you know, it becoming all the same thing all of everywhere. It, and the Awesome Foundation mixer this evening, have had me contemplating what the function of awesome is. Specifically, for some reason, when it comes to fashion.

I’ve got a collection of t-shirts that I happen to think are pretty great. People occasionally comment on them and it makes for good conversation; I’ve also had at least one random street person approach me and actually buy me a cup of coffee because of one of them. It’s easy to say I wear them because I like them, but there’s always a little something there. I want people to see these shirts and appreciate that they are awesome, and in many ways it has nothing to do with me. I just picked it out. It means I’ve got an eye for awesome.

Pocky handbags, for instance. I bet there’s a fair amount of them out there. (Maybe she designed it, I don’t know. In which case, awesome?) Nevertheless, there’s something awesome about that. It’s the sort of thing you want to acknowledge. “You have an awesome handbag. Can I give you a high five?” Maybe that’s weird. But I think that’s the point. We want to share what we think is awesome with other people, and it’s always nice when we get someone else who thinks it’s great, too. It’s a cryptocompliment! You are vicariously saying “oh man, you have good taste.” Positivity!

(Once, I walked up to someone and told him he had an excellent shirt. He was not awesome about it. I think he does not deserve to wear excellent clothing if he cannot be awesome about it.)

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Okay, this time I am prepared for it. This time I am ready. Here it is, Hope himself becoming a god.

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In a few short hours we find out whether America will finally fall to the black muslim Arab terrorist space demon communist freedom-and-america-hating freedom-hater terror-loving godless inexperienced elitist fraudulent anti-Christs. If this happens only a minority of America is actually America anymore, and we will soon change the name of the country to Obamaland, and the capital will be changed to Hopeville, and all good American patriots (ie, Republicans, who put Country First despite thinking half of the country is full of America-hating freedom-haters) will be rounded up and put in camps, where they will be forced to do work and get paid huge salaries, but all of their money will be taken away from them and given to fat lazy black people, who hate whitey and love sitting around and accepting handouts from the government. They will laugh quietly to themselves and give one another terrorist fist-bumps, because they know they are really just milking the system at the expense of the poor belabored patriots! They are all evil and selfish, statistically. Rich people just want to be able to enjoy their wealth without having to think about those horrible poor people, but they won’t be able to do that anymore, because soon the poor will control the government and it will be like Karl Marx but a whole lot bloodier.

Terrorists will randomly bomb churches and private schools and small businesses and good Christian homes and then fist-bump the puppet governments in the cities, and host fundraisers for Obama in their living room, where everyone will have to come and give all their money, ever. And everyone will profit off the labor of the Republicans in their slave labor camps and sit around being decadent and drinking wine that the French shipped over. The whole country will look like a war zone and it will be a mockery of everything America once stood for. The Freedom Eagle will circle the skies one last time, shedding a single patriotic tear, and fly off, crying like the phoenix, vowing to return one day and plant the seeds of freedom anew.

So yeah, I predict Obama with about 350 electoral votes.

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