Not quite topical anymore, but man, do you know why we are still caring about pirates? We stopped equipping merchant vessels with bigass cannons. Why did we decide the waters were suddenly safe? Bring back ridiculous maritime warfare, modern style!

I’m not a big “everyone needs to have a gun and that will make society safe” person, but seriously, when did merchants decide that they didn’t need to protect themselves from crime on the high seas? And it’s not even dashing swashbucklery crimes that you can make fun Hollywood movies about, it is the kind where they are terrorists and hold you hostage, for money, because it’s easy.

I think the most depressing part about the big crimes you hear about these days is how boring they are. This is also one of the reasons I think Kari Ferrell is so fascinating–she’s not running Ponzi schemes or being a terrorist. It’s good old-fashioned grifting, and that’s fun and exciting! Sure she is a massive felon and fundamentally untrustworthy, but con artists are awesome to read about. It’s good harmless fun.

The other reason is I ate pizza with her. That is a big reason I care.

In conclusion: let’s make crime fun again.